There'll be no tears in the end

Excerpt from "No Tears" by Scarface:
I've got this killer up inside of me
I can't talk to my mother, so I talk to my diary
I'm goin off on the deep end
I find myself face to face with myself while I'm sleepin
I see your picture in my head and my hands shake
You can run, you can hide, but there's no escape
My inner feelings show no mercy on my enemy
I got to get this muthafucka before he gets to me
So in your own blood you'll bathe
And I won't stop until I put this muthafucka in his fuckin grave
And I can say this once again
You can cry but you'll still die, there'll be no tears in the end

"Mind Playin' Tricks On Me" by the Geto Boys:
At night I can't sleep, I toss and turn
Candle sticks in the dark, visions of bodies bein burned
Four walls just starin at a nigga
I'm paranoid, sleepin with my finger on the trigger
My mother's always stressin I ain't livin right
But I ain't going out without a fight
See, everytime my eyes close
I start sweatin, and blood starts comin out my nose
It's somebody watchin the Ak'
But I don't know who it is, so I'm watchin my back
I can see him when I'm deep in the covers
When I awake I don't see the motherfucker
He owns a black hat like I own
A black suit and a cane like my own
Some might say, "Take a chill, B"
But fuck that shit! There's a nigga trying to kill me
I'm poppin in the clip when the wind blows
Every twenty seconds got me peepin out my window
Investigatin the joint for traps
Checkin my telephone for taps
I'm starin at the woman on the corner
It's fucked up when your mind is playin tricks on ya

I make big money, I drive big cars
Everybody know me, it's like I'm a movie star
But late at night, somethin ain't right
I feel I'm being tailed by the same sucker's head lights
Is it that fool that I ran off the block?
Or is it that nigga last week that I shot?
Or is it the one I beat for five thousand dollars
Thought he had 'caine but it was Gold Medal Flour
Reach under my seat, grabbed my popper for the suckers
Ain't no use to me lyin, I was scareder than a motherfucker
Hooked a left into Popeye's and bailed out quick
If it's goin down let's get this shit over with
Here they come, just like I figured
I got my hand on the motherfuckin trigger
What I saw'll make your ass start gigglin
Three black, crippled and crazy senior citizens
I live by the sword
I take my boys everywhere I go, because I'm paranoid
I keep lookin over my shoulder and peepin around corners
My mind is playin tricks on me

Day by day it's more impossible to cope
I feel like I'm the one that's doing dope
Can't keep a steady hand because I'm nervous
Every Sunday mornin I'm in service
Prayin for forgiveness
And tryin to find an exit out the business
I know the Lord is lookin at me
But yet and still it's hard for me to feel happy
I often drift while I drive
Havin fatal thoughts of suicide
BANG and get it over with
And then I'm worry-free, but that's bullshit
I got a little boy to look after
And if I died then my child would be a bastard
I had a woman down with me
But to me it seemed like she was down to get me
She helped me out in this shit
But to me she was just another bitch
Now she's back with her mother
Now I'm realizing that I love her
Now I'm feelin lonely
My mind is playin tricks on me

This year Halloween fell on a weekend
Me and Geto Boys are trick-or-treatin
Robbin little kids for bags
Till an old man got behind our ass
So we speeded up the pace
Took a look back, and he was right before our face
He'd be in for a squabble no doubt
So I swung and hit the nigga in his mouth
He was goin down, we figured
But this was no ordinary nigga
He stood about six or seven feet
Now, that's the nigga I'd be seein in my sleep
So we triple-teamed on him
Droppin them motherfuckin B's on him
The more I swung the more blood flew
Then he disappeared and my boys disappeared, too
Then I felt just like a fiend
It wasn't even close to Halloween
It was dark as fuck on the streets
My hands were all bloody, from punchin on the concrete
God damn, homie
My mind is playin tricks on me


Excerpts from "Dirty Bitch" by Bushwick Bill:
It started out beautiful, but you was playin possum
To me, you was just a fuck, but our relationship blossomed
Got attached to your kids, I loved 'em like my own
I loved 'em like my own
Referred to your daughter as my daughter, your son as my son
Called you my wife, even if it was common law
Never saw a better creature in my life
How could the one who stole my heart, make me reach for my knife
(Why you reachin for your knife?) Cause I'ma stab that bitch
(What if they take your freedom Bill?) They can have that shit
....
Why you wanna bring me down?
Why you wanna bring me down? You dirty bitch


Man, the heaviness of the Geto Boys lyrics never really hit me until tonight. I always knew how extreme they were, but the total paranoia and utter sadness is what really makes them great. To them, the life of a gangster is a double-edged sword, and the way they rap about it is so amazing to me. I always wondered why rappers loved the movie Scarface so much, because it seems like they only paid attention to Tony's rise up the ladder, hustling his way to wealth and notoriety, while somehow managing to ignore the consequences of his actions that lead to his downfall. For once, I kind of understand the movie's appeal, but only among the likes of the Geto Boys, of whom the rapper Scarface is appropriately a member. I can't think of anything more articulate to write to wrap up this paragraph... but dang, this is seriously some heavy stuff.